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Posted on April 27th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
This one goes out to you Paul. A while back you were talking about how you had gotten such a great workout from your elliptical. I told you ellipticals were for wusses and you should be a real man like me… and juggle cinderblocks. Well, we bit the bullet over here at chez moi and bought one of these monstrous contraptions. It is now resting comfortably in the living room. We never use that room but plan on grabbing a projection unit so that we can make that a media area… (ah, stimulating the ol’ economy the Bush way). Any day now it will be large rumps and heavy surround sound thumps around this here hut. Ohhhhhh, joy!
Just playing around with this thing, I am finding out fast that eventhough I quit smoking two years ago… my lung capacity is still ZERO. We were doing alright when we were using the trikkes but they’re useless in the summer because it is WAY too hot to go out and ride those things. We needed a year round activity… hopefully this will fit the bill nicely. If not, we have a helluva paperweight!
Posted on April 26th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
I’ve been on a “Queen” kick lately. I’m not a huge fan, but they’re damn good and I do enjoy their music. Anyway, me and the wife went to Barnes and Noble today to return a web tutorial that we didn’t need and to smell the paper. Yes, I love the smell of a bookstore… sue me. You people with Kindles … (you know who you are) you’re just wrong! You need to hold a book, feel the paper, take it all in. What’s this reading off of a screen nonsense!? So while we were driving back, “Who Wants To Live Forever” finally comes up in my Queen rotation. It’s from the movie “Highlander” which features the castle where the wife and I got married (Eilean Donan). Being nerds we love that movie… and we marvel each time we see it or hear a song from it because neither of us ever thought we’d visit Scotland, much less get married at the castle that was in that flick. It’s really strange to consider that at 16, I saw the movie and never had the slightest idea that someday I would be GETTING MARRIED there. It’s the same for the wife who also saw the movie in her teens. Weirdness, eh? So here’s some Youtube video with clips from the classically cheesy “Highlander” that features the song.
Posted on April 26th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
I never read a book twice. I just can’t bring myself to do it. I know that some people read a book over and over again and find something new in it every time. While I find the whole thing noble, especially given the fact that I like to write… it seems awfully tedious. When I finish a book I might store it on a shelf, in a closet or even in a bookcase… but it may as well have been donated to a library or tossed into the trash. I won’t be flipping through its pages any time soon… or ever.
Until recently, I’d little understanding that I tend to treat life like that. I look at it as chapters, or volumes… parts of a whole work begun and completed. Sometimes an approach like that is warranted, other times (much to my suddenly enlightened dismay) it is not. Just because the circumstances have changed, the characters have evolved and everybody around me seems to be moving on to their next destination, is no cause to set aside the past. What is it with me and “evolving”?
For a long time I took the book that was my life in New York and shelved it. I don’t know why. There’s no singular reason or a simple explanation… I just did it. I managed to invent all kinds of reasons in my own mind for why, but it was all smoke and mirrors. I might not be the most responsible guy in the world, or the most connected… but I do have a conscience… and I suppose that eased it a bit. Lately though, all of the old nonsense excuses began to unravel and to fade away. You can’t hold fast to a lie (especially one told to yourself) forever. Sooner or later, some good and decent part of you says enough and forces you to take a look at what you’re doing. In my case it took years… but then when you’re waging a self important war of selfloathing against yourself for a decade or two… these things tend to take a back seat. If only such a stupid game of self defeat confined the casualty count to one and that one was me, but sadly, that’s not how things work. Worse still, my need to keep up appearances just makes all of this that much worse, because to the observer I seemed nothing more than a grade A, prick. Wonderful.
So, I’ve put myself on notice. No more avoidance, no more duck and dodge, no more self immolation. It’s time to pull that old book down from the shelf, to blow the dust off of it and to flip through its pages. Lots of good stuff in that old book, lots of great people… it wasn’t “The End”, it was “To be continued”. So much time lost… such stupidity. I thought I was at the bottom of the hill when I was on top… now… now, the real climb starts.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
Well, as I described in my earlier post, I decided today to try to reconnect with old friends. Lucky me, one of them had a MySpace page. We’ve exchanged a couple of emails. Maybe I can rebuild old bridges… but even if I can’t… knowing that I’ve managed to confirm that they’re all doing okay is at least some comfort. Much regret, much self loathing for letting time and stupidity get the better of me. I guess all we can ever do is to try to correct our mistakes and in doing so at least acknowledge them.
It’s a melancholy kind of feeling… but then that beats regret.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
So I was sitting back, contemplating what an absolute disgrace I have been for the last… oh, I don’t know… decade or so. I’ve thought about the people that I used to hang with and how we had some great times. I’ve thought about how I’ve holed myself away, shutting out everybody that ever really mattered (with the exception of a chosen few… who simply refuse to give up on me). I don’t know what it’s all about, the why or even the how. I just know that I closed the door on the past and walked away. It wasn’t always this way. In younger days, I was the one going out of my way to make sure the “gang” stayed in touch (you all know it’s true). It meant something to me and it mattered. Now in the midrange of my thirties (if you correct that to “late”… I will hunt you down and kill you), I suppose I have a bit of an appreciation for how much time has passed and how so much has changed. What a total waste to let things go so far. The worst part, I probably don’t have the guts to get off my ass and to pick up a phone. I won’t call these people that mattered (one might be you), and in so many ways still do. I won’t reconnect. I guess I just don’t know how. Some sick part of me figures they likely don’t want to hear from me anyway. Stupid? Alright, I’ll grant you that… but it won’t change anything. How sad, is that? I might take the time to drop these folks an email… if I knew what their email addresses were. That’s benign, that’s safe… that’s so typically me. You see, it’s not that I don’t know that I suck, it’s that I seem powerless to change it!
So ye old friends, if this blog should ever find you… or ye should ever find this blog… do write. Have the guts to do what I do not. Say hello. I promise I’ll respond. I’m just not much of a “cold” caller. It would suck to realize at 40 that I still haven’t spoken to any of you… but it’s not beyond imagining. I don’t know, maybe I’ll get it together… maybe I’ll pull my head out of my ass… but then maybe I won’t.
I’m sending out the mental vibe. The signals are on the ether. You will look me up, you will find this blog, you will toss me a line. Ah, I feel so much better now… that’s a weight off my shoulders. Uhmmm hmmm. I average 10000 hits to this site a month… I know some of you bastards are READING… ok, well I don’t but MAYBE you are! *snicker*
Anyway, if you have been viewing this blog and you do see this, I miss a lot of you people and I just wanted to say it. Ah, how proactive… BUAHAHAH!
Peace.
Posted on March 23rd, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb, My Life.
Spent the afternoon at my grandmother’s with the boy in tow. Aunt, uncle and cousins were also there. The gloomy day set a nice mood. Came home, shot some hoops with the boy and the girl. Since they spend their time working over one another I managed to take the day. I have to say, both of these kids are extremely athletic… if they weren’t bent on keeping one another from claiming the glory I would be SMOKED.
Anyway, here are a couple of videos to watch. A little something to get you into the holiday spirit. Who knew, the Easter Bunny was such a hateful bastard? Do you think he even hates Barack Obama? I’m willing to bet he does…
The Easter Bunny’s origin story:
And the carnage continues…. SWEET!
Hope you had a great one!
Posted on January 29th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life, Politics.
Welp, I’m back from the polls. It took me two minutes to walk to where it is that I needed to be… the church down the street. It was a subdued atmosphere. We’re a bit off the beaten path. No morons with signs or honking horns… just the sunny peace and quiet. There were lots of old people voting. I was the only person under sixty in the joint. Being ginormous I got all of the old broads coo’ing… “My aren’t you tall. How do you like everybody having to look up to you?” Just put the sticker on my chest babe and let me out the door!
The ballot was short. Being a Republican, I got to look at the names of the cornucopia of losers jockeying for the highest office in the land. My choice was left to but one, Sen. John McCain. I’m not keen on his immigration stance, and until I saw that we seemed to be turning a corner in Iraq, I wasn’t too happy about his position on the war. There was also the matter of him letting Bush’s machine smear his family in 2000 and his forgiving and forgetting to the point of tossing the imbecile support in 2004. Somehow he’s managed to overcome all of those things in my mind. Perhaps it’s his tenacious nature that won the day… or maybe it was as I have said, the level of his competition.
Also on the ballot was Amendment 1, the “Save Our Homes” initiative down here in Florida which is supposed to cut property taxes. I voted “yes” or in favor of the amendment. I don’t know that it’s the best idea, but I do know that something has to change. If people have better ideas out there they need to press them upon the legislature. Until they do, I’ll have to take what they give me… even if it is just more of the usual “feel good” legislation that politicians are so fond of.
The whole process of voting today took me ten minutes total. What did I get for that ten minutes? I got to be a part of the process and I also maintained my right to bitch about the system. If you don’t participate… and have an issue with the way things are handled in this country, you’re an idiot. I might have a small pulpit here, and but one vote… but I do what I can with what I’ve got!
Posted on January 2nd, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
You know you do it. You make these nonsense resolutions. You’ll be better about this, or about that. Sometimes these resolutions stick (I quit smoking for 2006) and sometimes they don’t, (I gained weight in 2007). I don’t think that resolutions are worth the breath they take to utter. Change is not something that comes cheaply or easily. Change is hard. Change often brings an uncertain reward. To alter your way of being is not a challenge fit for the weak.
Some change leaves carnage and destruction in its wake. When change like this occurs it’s nice to think that it is reflected upon. Big change can leave a trail of bodies behind, ghosts to haunt your past. It’s the proverbial baggage. Meaningful change REQUIRES sacrifice. Without sacrifice, change lacks a purpose. The biggest element of change in my opinion is recognizing the price paid for it. I think a lot of people fail to see this element of change, it’s the cement which holds the thing together. Without a realization of the price paid, change becomes cheap.
It’s amazing how cathartic the whole experience of seriously engaging in writing has been for me. I’ve been purging a lot of demons, cleansing myself in unabashed expression. I wonder about my main characters and what bits of myself go into creating them. It’s fiction, but all good fiction must be based in some part on personal experience. I look to my protagonist and his self serving ways, and consider the selfish parts of myself. Driving around I have been listening to a lot of A Perfect Circle’s music. The lyrics are deep and meaningful and merit thought. One song in particular stands out when I think about my writing, change and life in general, it’s called ‘The Noose’. You could apply a lot of meanings to the song. Hell I could send this sucker off to the president and it would apply to him as much as it does to you, me, or my characters. It’s about change. It’s about someone coming through it without any realization of the costs. It gets back to what I was saying about how not recognizing the costs makes the change meaningless.
If you make a serious change this year, recognize the costs. I don’t think my main character gives a damn about the carnage he leaves in his wake… but the rest of us should.
Crank it up ladies!
Posted on January 1st, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
We went to Miami on Saturday. It was like going to New York and realizing that everybody’d gone brain-dead and gotten breast implants. It’s been years since I’ve been to Miami and I was surprised by just how much the city has grown. Huge buildings have been built expanding the skyline. Unfortunately, they’re mostly empyt condo units… lovely, considering the real estate slump down here. Weirdly enough though, if I had the cash to spend I would probably buy one… Miami is a vibrant city, even if a wee bit vapid.
Anyway, while we were down there we had dinner and at that dinner the wife and mom-in-law had Mojitos. The Mojito is the drink of 2007, all you hear down here is Mojito, Mojito. I’ve tried mixes, crushed the mint, shredded the mint and varied the amount of sugar and lime attempting to make these things palatable. All of it without success. So we go to dinner in Miami (did I mention it’s as if the city hasn’t paid its electric bill… the skyline is dark) and they order Mojitos. They come to the table and they are enormous and better yet downright TASTY. The secret… (drumroll please)… SPRITE. What the hell?! That just seems so cheap, and so ghetto… but hey, you can’t argue with tasty.
So we of course had to try to recreate this phenomenal concoction for New Years Eve. We had varying degrees of success. I think that the first one is always nice… but then after a while you get sick and tired of the sweetness of it all. I suppose I’ve just grown to appreciate the more robust flavors of scotch and beers like Samuel Adams. The women can keep their fruity libations.
So, it’s so long to 2007, and (I think for me at least…) so long to the Mojito… this years Rubik’s Cube of alcohol. The night was sedate, not much going on. We had a nice traditional mexican dinner, then just prior to midnight a nice tray of crackers and various cheese and meat garnishes. At just before midnight we flipped to Dick Clark’s warbled countdown (God bless the guy), wished each other a happy ”doo-year” with a toast of champagne and went outside to shoot off a few cheapo fireworks we never used on the 4th.
So in all, it was a nice night. No drunkeness. No hangovers. Just family and a peaceful time.
So how was yours? Oh and Happy New Year, ya bastards.
Posted on December 31st, 2007 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
Woe are ye, for on the 30th day of the 12th month of the year two thousand and seven there was brought forth unto this world… another Pettersen. Quake ye! Tremble! For one of us is destined for greatness… I think.
The brother and his missus welcomed a son last night. I am strangely invigorated. There is something new and hopeful about it all. I have a beautiful niece with all of the potential of the world and now a newborn nephew is thrown into the mix. You can’t help but reflect on the passage of time. There is a strange ”rightness” in it all. It sucks to get older, but then at the same time it is great to see how life works. One day you’re kicking the crap out of your brother while watching Saturday afternoon karate marathons, and the next you’re fielding a call about the birth of his kid. Strange… but right.
Time marches on, births and deaths bring such clarity to the simplicity of that. Time is the only thing in this universe that is truly immortal. And so, Nick is born and I am pleased to have him join the fold… not that we Pettersens are sheep mind you. It’s soon to be a new year, we lay waste to the old and renew our hopes… it’s kind of like a chance to be reborn every 365 days. It’s like we’re all given the chance to feel like baby Nick. Strange… but right.