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Posted on May 18th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
This is so stupid that I had to post it to the ol’ blog. I saw an article today titled, “Scientist: Smiling can hurt your health”. Well I quite like smiling, so of course I was drawn in like a moth to a flame. It turns out however, that the scientist has nothing to say about “smiling” and your health. This is just another Capt. Obvious observation that bottling your stress leads to health problems. What? Really? Come on, we’ve known this forever and a day now… but hey, let’s change up the headline a little bit and get people to actually read our pathetically lame story! Why is the media so dishonest? Do you think an editor and whoever it was that wrote this thing at UPI, didn’t dream up this misleading title just to get suckers like me (and possibly you if you clicked the link) to read the stupid article? For shame UPI… for shame! Adding insult to injury… they filed this under “Top News”!
Posted on May 15th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Entertainment, Just Dumb.
Howard Stern’s show often hacks up audio books and creates new sound bites that are usually vulgar but always hilarious. So I suppose somebody informed this old crone Parton, that he had done it to her book and likely played it for her. I guess Dolly is unfamiliar with recording technology (despite her 100 years in music) because to hear her speak on this, you would think that the show had employed some kind of mojo to make this happen. Lady, it’s called EDITING and nobody could mistake the disjointed speech that comes from it as anything else. Yesterday Stern spent the better part of the show playing similar clips from William Shatner’s latest autobiographical offering… while he was in to promote the book. It was funny and the stuff they did with Dolly’s book was also funny.
“I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life,” Parton said in a statement on Wednesday. “I cannot believe what Howard Stern has done to me. In a blue million years, I would never have such vulgar things come out of my mouth. They have done editing or some sort of trickery to make this horrible, horrible thing. Please accept my apology for them and certainly know I had nothing to do with this.”
She concluded: “If there was ever going to be a lawsuit, it’s going to be over this. Just wanted you to know that I am completely devastated by this.”
Dolly, I think your wig has been screwed on too tight. You made a name for yourself off of your enormous breasts. Lighten up.
Posted on May 15th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Editorials, Just Dumb, News.
And so it begins. You knew it had to happen. You knew that the self-mutilation needed to commence. When you get all of these angst ridden, bleeding hearts into one tent you just have to know that somebody is going to start wringing their hands and gnashing their teeth. In this case it is Sean Penn that is giving voice to those that are so completely wrapped up in “woe is the world” that they cannot even savor what might be their fondest wish… to see an ultra liberal carry their banner. Nope. Sean Penn laments the choice of Obama, and says the following:
At a press conference beforehand, the actor, an outspoken critic of the Bush administration, offered his views on the Democratic nomination race.
Asked if he would be joining other Hollywood A-listers in pledging support for Obama, Penn gave him a less than ringing endorsement and warned that he has an awful lot to live up to.
”I don’t have a candidate I’m supporting and I’m certainly interested and excited by the hope that Barack Obama is inspiring,” he said, but went on to accuse him of a “phenomenally inhuman and unconstitutional” voting record.
Care to elaborate on that Sean? What makes the voting record so “phenomenally inhuman and unconstitutional”? I’m the curious sort so I would love to know. Further, I would like to know what the heck you were talking about when you said:
”I hope that he will understand, if he is the nominee, the degree of disillusionment that will happen if he doesn’t become a greater man than he will ever be,” Penn said. “This is the most important election, certainly in my lifetime, and maybe ever.”
How does one manage to become a greater man than he will ever be? I could chase my tail all day trying to figure out this one. Seriously, given the unattainable task laid out by Penn, people better get used to being disillusioned by Barack Obama. Was Penn conjuring Jeff Spicoli?
You see, this is why celebrities should shut up and smile, sign a few autographs and tip the photogs that manage to get their good side. It’s their station in life and they should embrace it. This is the kind of embarrassing aftermath that is left when some egomaniac gets in over his/her head and makes a play at being cerebral. Penn is a great actor and a fine director, but his politics are way out there and his expectations are completely off the wall.
Posted on May 14th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Editorials, Just Dumb, News.
Here’s a video (Natty sent me the link) that will undoubtedly make you feel warm and mushy.
There is no longer a need to secure this country or to protect our interests. Who needs new weapons systems? Certainly not us… we’re going to convince the world to lay down their arms. Good grief, can we afford to have a naive Barry Obama in the White House? I don’t think so.
Does this guy not understand that those new weapons systems we keep developing help to save the lives of our fighting men and women? We don’t have massive forces to deploy, so we bring the bigger gun. Barack Obama is going to hire consultants to tell the military what it needs or does not need? BRILLIANT!
Posted on May 13th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb, News.
I’ve really been sweating this one… rubbing the old WWJD (what would Jesus do) keychain, as I religiously tuned in to watch ‘UFO Hunters’, each week. I’ve always wondered; where does God stand on the subject of aliens? Now the Vatican has been kind enough to tell us that God is OK with aliens, as a matter of fact to suggest that they don’t exist is to limit God’s creativity. Hmmm… so God still has full creative license in the eyes of the church? So He’s the one!
The Vatican’s chief astronomer says that believing in aliens does not contradict faith in God.
The Rev. Jose Gabriel Funes, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, says that the vastness of the universe means it is possible there could be other forms of life outside Earth, even intelligent ones.
Is anybody else surprised to hear that there’s a “Vatican Observatory”? Anyway, now I can tune in to my ‘UFO Hunters’ or spy the skies for unidentified flying objects and not feel somehow… unclean. *snicker*
Posted on May 11th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Entertainment, Just Dumb, Music, Television.
Need I say more? If this kid wins “American Idol”, I’ll toss my cookies. I dub this kid… annoying.
Posted on May 8th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
As if fuel and food prices weren’t a big enough slap in the face… it seems that for the last eight months or so, beer prices have been steadily rising. A drunk America is a complacent America… if people can’t get their drunk on from Friday to Sunday… they might actually find the time to give a damn! Hmmm… maybe there is an upside to this after all!
Two ingredients — hops and malted barley — are behind much of the price increases.
Hops produce the chemicals that give beer its distinct flavor. Some varieties are used to bitter the drink. Others impart its floral aromas. Most commercially grown domestic hops come from Washington, Oregon and Idaho.
After water, malted barely is the next-biggest ingredient in beer. It provides the sugars that turns into alcohol when the beer is fermented.
Barley prices have risen because of worldwide demand for grains, including wheat, corn and rice. Philip Sutton, owner of Skyscraper Brewing Co., a small brewery in El Monte, said the price of a 50-pound bag of malted barley had jumped to $22, or 57% higher than a year ago.
Hops prices are soaring even more. Sutton paid $3.40 to $4.70 a pound for hops a year ago. The least expensive hops he has found this year were $12.63 a pound, and he’s paid all the way up to $22.45. But that’s only if he can find them.
“The hops that we like to use just aren’t available,” Sutton said. That has forced him to substitute other hops in some of his beer recipes “and that makes a different beer. It’s still good but isn’t what we would ideally have,” said Sutton, who has raised his prices 20% to 30%.
GREAT! So in addition to paying more for the beer… we’re also getting an inferior product! Lucky me, I’ve switched to caffeine rather than alcohol these days! Seen the price of coffee lately? How about milk? Nothing’s cheap these days… and sooner or later the natives are going to wake up long enough to get restless. Here’s to HOPING!
Posted on May 6th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
Steve Ballmer is nuts. Here’s the evidence.
“GIVE IT UP FOR ME!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!! WHO SAID SIT DOWN!” Hey Steve, I know I’m just some punk on the ether, but go grab yourself a big heaping cup o’ STFU.
Posted on May 5th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb, Politics.
How did I miss this genius moment? It seems a “Baptist Minister” managed to ask John McCain whether or not it was true that he had called his wife a c- -t.
Where is “Stuttering John” Melendez when you need him?
The wife and I watched “Atonement” this weekend and that’s supposedly high art… the word c- -t was front and center throughout the entirety of the thing. It was an assault… being typed again and again on the screen. Considering how boring political topics like healthcare, Iraq and the economy can be… this surely adds a little liveliness to the McCain side of the presidential race. I have to give the old man credit for how he handled it all… he’s SMOOTH!
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
The last few weeks have been an extremely hectic time. Lots of stress and other distractions to take me out of the game when it comes to writing. When I stopped, I was at a crossroads. I could have kept writing, because the issue is not something that is particularly relevant to what is going on in the portion I’m currently working on… but it cast a shadow. It’s the kind of thing that can change the entire direction of the piece. Do I go more fantastical (as if it isn’t that already) or do I stay somewhat rooted in the semi-believable? It’s a tough choice. On one hand it could be a whole new approach to what I wanted to do, yet on the other it could actually diminish the tale in the eyes of the more down to earth folks that might read it. Grrr. I hate nonsense like this. I’m usually a quick draw when it comes to decisions… yet this lingers. Not fun, not fun at all.
One school of thought says to write through it. This very post seems a pathetic attempt at avoiding that sagely approach. The other says to resolve the plot issues, to make a decision and to stick with it. Being a Virgo, that seems the infinitely more reasonable choice. So what’s the beef? Well that puts me right back to where I started. Ugh. I guess I’ll just write for the sake of writing and move the story to a point where I HAVE to choose. Oh my God, did I just type that? Am I really going to go for option A? I guess I’ll have to allow my fingers to guide me.
Oh and by the way dear readers… you’ve been absolutely no help with this at all. Why are you even here? I’m just askin.