You are looking at posts that were written on April 24th, 2008.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
Well, as I described in my earlier post, I decided today to try to reconnect with old friends. Lucky me, one of them had a MySpace page. We’ve exchanged a couple of emails. Maybe I can rebuild old bridges… but even if I can’t… knowing that I’ve managed to confirm that they’re all doing okay is at least some comfort. Much regret, much self loathing for letting time and stupidity get the better of me. I guess all we can ever do is to try to correct our mistakes and in doing so at least acknowledge them.
It’s a melancholy kind of feeling… but then that beats regret.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: My Life.
So I was sitting back, contemplating what an absolute disgrace I have been for the last… oh, I don’t know… decade or so. I’ve thought about the people that I used to hang with and how we had some great times. I’ve thought about how I’ve holed myself away, shutting out everybody that ever really mattered (with the exception of a chosen few… who simply refuse to give up on me). I don’t know what it’s all about, the why or even the how. I just know that I closed the door on the past and walked away. It wasn’t always this way. In younger days, I was the one going out of my way to make sure the “gang” stayed in touch (you all know it’s true). It meant something to me and it mattered. Now in the midrange of my thirties (if you correct that to “late”… I will hunt you down and kill you), I suppose I have a bit of an appreciation for how much time has passed and how so much has changed. What a total waste to let things go so far. The worst part, I probably don’t have the guts to get off my ass and to pick up a phone. I won’t call these people that mattered (one might be you), and in so many ways still do. I won’t reconnect. I guess I just don’t know how. Some sick part of me figures they likely don’t want to hear from me anyway. Stupid? Alright, I’ll grant you that… but it won’t change anything. How sad, is that? I might take the time to drop these folks an email… if I knew what their email addresses were. That’s benign, that’s safe… that’s so typically me. You see, it’s not that I don’t know that I suck, it’s that I seem powerless to change it!
So ye old friends, if this blog should ever find you… or ye should ever find this blog… do write. Have the guts to do what I do not. Say hello. I promise I’ll respond. I’m just not much of a “cold” caller. It would suck to realize at 40 that I still haven’t spoken to any of you… but it’s not beyond imagining. I don’t know, maybe I’ll get it together… maybe I’ll pull my head out of my ass… but then maybe I won’t.
I’m sending out the mental vibe. The signals are on the ether. You will look me up, you will find this blog, you will toss me a line. Ah, I feel so much better now… that’s a weight off my shoulders. Uhmmm hmmm. I average 10000 hits to this site a month… I know some of you bastards are READING… ok, well I don’t but MAYBE you are! *snicker*
Anyway, if you have been viewing this blog and you do see this, I miss a lot of you people and I just wanted to say it. Ah, how proactive… BUAHAHAH!
Peace.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
The last few weeks have been an extremely hectic time. Lots of stress and other distractions to take me out of the game when it comes to writing. When I stopped, I was at a crossroads. I could have kept writing, because the issue is not something that is particularly relevant to what is going on in the portion I’m currently working on… but it cast a shadow. It’s the kind of thing that can change the entire direction of the piece. Do I go more fantastical (as if it isn’t that already) or do I stay somewhat rooted in the semi-believable? It’s a tough choice. On one hand it could be a whole new approach to what I wanted to do, yet on the other it could actually diminish the tale in the eyes of the more down to earth folks that might read it. Grrr. I hate nonsense like this. I’m usually a quick draw when it comes to decisions… yet this lingers. Not fun, not fun at all.
One school of thought says to write through it. This very post seems a pathetic attempt at avoiding that sagely approach. The other says to resolve the plot issues, to make a decision and to stick with it. Being a Virgo, that seems the infinitely more reasonable choice. So what’s the beef? Well that puts me right back to where I started. Ugh. I guess I’ll just write for the sake of writing and move the story to a point where I HAVE to choose. Oh my God, did I just type that? Am I really going to go for option A? I guess I’ll have to allow my fingers to guide me.
Oh and by the way dear readers… you’ve been absolutely no help with this at all. Why are you even here? I’m just askin.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
From the land that has brought ‘The Jerry Springer Show’ some of its most memorable guests, comes the news that the legislature is currently trying to determine whether or not to launch a “Christian” vanity license plate. Oh how wonderful for the people of Florida (of which I am one) that our politicians are tackling such weighty issues.
We already have the colorful, “Choose Life” anti-abortion license plate. To my dismay, when I went to the DMV, I did not see an alternative, “Choose Death” plate. It’s not that I really support abortion, but I wondered what kind of options the “pro-choice” set had available to them. Believe it or not, there is a grassroots effort out there to get a pro-choice plate produced. You can even sign a petition on the website established for the cause. Will the legislature fail to offer alternatives for our Jewish, Muslim or Satan worshiping drivers? This can only end badly.
Am I for or against these license plates? Well, I have to tell you that I’m not much of a fan. I think it’s ridiculous to proclaim religious or political support for this or that in the form of bumper stickers and/or license plates. Is it truly influencing anybody? Does anybody give a rat’s ass about your opinion? That said, the practical side of me considers that such measures might stop elderly people from plastering their Lincolns and Cadillacs in “I’m going to die soon, I hope these bumper stickers get me some mileage with the big guy,” propaganda. I mean, there is nothing worse than shopping for a used car and finding some low mileage tank that would be in mint condition but for the sticky remnants and uneven paint fading caused by these gooey bits of righteousness.
Oh and by the way, if “Jesus is your co-pilot” do you think he might take the time to reach across the car and turn off your left turn signal? I’m just askin’.
Posted on April 24th, 2008 by Mark.
Categories: Just Dumb.
“A long distance dedication from the Mycroscope blog in South Florida, to Hillary Rodham Clinton… one tough broad. Here’s Queen with…. The Show Must Go On.”
Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for…
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.
Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning, I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On - with the show -
I’ll top the bill, I’ll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on…