Yep, I’m still writing. Not nearly as much as I would like to, but writing requires a great deal of discipline… and therein lies the problem. It’s tough to shut out the world. I toss on the headphones and a soundtrack of some sort (music without words to set moods) but it’s still very hard to immerse yourself into something in a space that isn’t exactly solitary.Â
Regardless, I do write when I can… and when I drive, I’m almost always formulating plots and dialogues in an effort to create a compelling tale. Today, as I drove home I was thinking about the story I am currently working. I’m not going to get into detail but I was really struck by the attitude of a main character where it concerns the idea of “fate”. I don’t know that I really think that we are doomed to a certain fate, but it does seem that we humans have a nasty penchant for repeating mistakes. Whether it be emulating our parents bad behaviors (some of which I have in turn passed onto the boy and the girl), or our leaders taking the world down roads of doom that have been well traveled, it almost seems an inclination inbred in the species.
Anyway while I was driving, I was considering this character’s motivation, and he spoke up for himself in a way that I found profound. I get bored with the “artist” types that say, “My characters speak to me.” It really makes me want to gag just typing it out. Your characters are extensions of your imagination, you are speaking to yourself is what I’d like to shout back… but for the first time I can see from where they might be coming. Fate, faith and doing what we are meant to do on this earth before we die are key elements of my story. One of the characters despises the concept of fate but accepts that it might have its place. He says about it, “If fate is an inevitability then free will is the variable that determines how we come to face it.”
I don’t know, maybe I’m seeing something there that other people might not… but I thought it was a damned good counter to the back and forth that he and another character were having. It ends the argument and it’s a pretty sound reasoning for why it is that he continues to do what he does, eventhough it might be futile. I think it answers a lot of questions I have when it comes to religion too. I’ve always had an issue with God knowing all before it even happens and then granting us free will as if that makes it all fair and square. I don’t know, color me a cynic but it seems like we’re being dealt from the bottom of the deck when it comes to divinity knowing our fate.Â
I didn’t go anywhere. I think I just got tired of posting about all of the ugliness of the world. I needed a little break. I took one. Not much more to say on the whole situation.Â
I wish I had more to say… all is basically status quo. Work is still slow, but the stresses of life still run high. I’ve taken to drinking copious amounts of espresso… even got the machine. I usually drink it over ice with some creamer and sweetner… nothing too fancy. I was doing the whole milk steaming thing for a while but that got old. I do it for the wife on the rare occassion that she joins me, but me… I’m not too fussy. It’s nice to be bouncing off of the walls when you feel them closing in… *grins*.
I’ve been considering some more artistic ventures as of late, but I don’t want to jinx them by discussing them at any length. Just looking at some options and considering the future. Always a wise thing to do when you’re in your late thirties! Thankfully, although I feel the weight of the world is on me I find myself still feeling positive. I don’t know if that’s a credit to the B-complex, the caffeine, or blissful ignorance but I’m sure not going to look too deeply into the matter. Why question a positive? I suppose a lot of adversity as of late has just shown me that I am capable of a lot more than I thought. It’s not all about brains, it’s about getting in there, getting dirty and developing a callus or two. Which reminds me, I need to upload some kitchen pictures to this blog. Color me amazed by the abilities of myself and my lovely wife.Â
Anyway, there you have it. A nebulous and rambling explanation without… well, an explanation.
